Silent Moonlight
by TsuyuBaby
Summary: Gin will do anything to gain Aizen's trust, if only so he could shatter it in the end. Sometimes though, things don't always work out the way we want them to. A different take on Aizen and Gin's relationship, and the consequences. Non-con AiGin, UraGin


Title: Silent Moonlight

Summary: Gin will do anything to gain Aizen's trust, if only so that he could shatter it in the end. Non-con AiGin, slight UraharaGin

Rating: NC-17

Warnings: detailed non-con and dub-con, angst, angst, ANGST, character death

A/N: suggested listening for the very last section: Simon and Garfunkel – Sound of Silence

Also, sorry to those of you reading Turning Back the Clock…I sort of got distracted with the loveliness that is Ichimaru Gin and neglected to write the 3rd chapter when I said I would. It should be out soon though, maybe tomorrow. Also, I don't have a beta, so this might have some errors. Yea. Sorry about those. xD

~X~

Submission. Total Submission. That's what Aizen demanded. Being a lower ranking officer under the brunette taichou was like trying to casually walk through a tornado and come out the other end without even a single hair disturbed. But Gin had done what he had to, he had gained Aizen's attention, seduced him, planned to use him. At the very least, he had planned to be hindrance to the man's evil plans. It sounds melodramatic when phrased in that fashion, but that didn't make it any less true. The man was dark, his aura foreboding and mysterious. His demeanor was a falsity, his mask a well crafted lie.

But Gin had noticed it that night in Rukongai so many years ago. He'd seen through it. The man had killed people with an almost manic smile on his handsome face. His subordinates had raped his most beloved friend, Ran. In Rukongai it wasn't unusual to be forced into sex, but Gin had done his very best to ensure that the redhead would never need to give her body in that manner. The silverette had sold himself in her place, had subjected himself. Dirtied himself.

He didn't regret his actions because they were Ran's saving grace. The luscious girl would have become harsh and distrusting. She'd have become covered in thorns, the way he was now. The silverette would have never forgiven himself if he had let that happen. They had promised to protect each other after all. The two of them were all they had in the hellacious world of Seireitei's poor district.

But the man had gone and destroyed everything he had sacrificed himself for in one night. It would take years before she healed mentally—only returning to her bubbly self once she had managed to enter the academy many years later. It was that night that Gin made his decision to give his life to the cause of destroying this man. He didn't care how many years it would take, didn't care what atrocities he might be forced to undergo in the process. Rangiku meant more to him than anything. She was his world, his only family, his best friend. Never a lover, but what she was meant more to him than a girlfriend. They'd been through too much together to ever see the other in a romantic light.

She'd been the one to clean his wounds after he was with a buyer. He'd been the one to stay by her side as she cried through the night, wondering why—why them, why now, why this? She had been so fragile and him so strong. And so, as the redhead laid on the ground void of emotion, yukata hitched up around her waist in a pool of her own blood and nameless men's semen, he decided to give everything he was to deceive this man. He would gain his trust and then shatter it, like he had shattered Ran's innocence.

~X~

There was blood on his face; he could feel a thick glob of it slowly dripping down. It was still warm, just recently having been cast from its vassal. He and Ran had gotten into the shinigami academy. Everyone loved her, the brightness exuding from her drew people in. But Gin was left in the dark. He was a genius and traveled through the academy in less than a year. He would be graduating in barely a month and leaving his best friend behind. She was still a first year. She had her own circle of friends now and he could feel the gap widening. The silverette knew it would only grow once he joined Aizen.

Which was why he was here tonight—to join Aizen. He had watched the man and figured out some key parts of his personality. Number one, he wasn't sympathetic or empathetic, he would cast you from his side as soon as you lost your usefulness. Number two, he was a sadist, often befriending young souls and then raping them out of the blue. Number three, more than anything, he was curious. This third number was what Gin would be counting on. He would obtain the man's interest, and then the man would be forced to 'capture' him, study him, and eventually destroy him. Gin wasn't too keen on the destruction phase, but it was a necessary sacrifice.

A necessary sacrifice, just like the man lying before him on the ground, dead as a doornail. He had been the third seat of Aizen's division. But now he was just a shell of a soul. Soon the body would disperse back into reishi particles and be absorbed by Soul Society and the soul would be reborn in the human world. He couldn't afford to wait that long though, Aizen needed to see him standing over the body. It would be a large factor in whether the brunette would feel interested enough.

Gin stood over the body for another five minutes and thrity-two seconds before the man appeared. He had counted. Silver hair glowed in the moonlight as he shifted to stare at the brunette with a close-eyed smile. Shinsou trembled only the slightest amount in his hand. This man was powerful, and should he be angry Gin didn't expect to live through the night. Then Aizen was stepping forward, into the light. Gin stood his stood his ground.

"Impressive, you're skill is far superior to what I have heard. Tell me your name."

"Gin," He said, tilting his head to the side slightly. "Ichimaru Gin."

Brown eyes pierced him, boring holes into his closed ones. They raked his body and his skin tingled. He could feel their presence. Then the man increased his spiritual pressure, not too much, but enough to make a sliver of fear strike through his small form.

"How was the third seat?"

How should he reply to this question? If he said it had been hard to kill him, Aizen would be disappointed. But if he said it was too easy would he be insulted? The silverette knew he had to choose his words carefully with this shinigami. One wrong step and he'd be cut down, discarded.

"Unsatisfyin'. No competition at all."

"I see," and then he was silent for the slightest of seconds. Gin desperately wondered what he was thinking. It could have been anything. Absolutely anything. But he kept his smile plastered on and exuded as much confidence as possible. Pretend to be unshaken, pretend to not know this man, pretend to be guilty at being caught, but not at having killed.

"I'm glad to hear it."

Another moment of silence.

"You will show up tomorrow promptly at eight to take your position as third seat. I expect this will not be a problem?"

A question, but not a question, for there was only one acceptable answer.

"No' at all, Aizen-taichou."

~X~

The first time Aizen showed an interest in his body, he wasn't expecting it. Everything had just gone so smoothly the first month that he had gotten relaxed, a bad mistake. Three days after he graduated the man approached him as he was doing menial paperwork. Boring stuff really, but better than killing people. Gin wasn't opposed to doing his job, but that didn't mean he liked it, at least nowhere near as much as he pretended to.

The brunette called him into his office and told him to stay standing. It was late at night and the division was almost vacant of shinigami. It was a Friday night and everyone was out with friends. Ran had invited him out to go drinking with herself and a couple of her friends. There was another prodigy with her by the name of Hitsugaya Toushirou.

Apparently his hair was also white, similar to Gin's. Ran thought they should meet, but the young third seat didn't think it was a good idea. Hitsugaya would see too much, he was afraid. He would see through his plans and expose him. It was unlikely but Gin was just the slightest bit paranoid. Besides, he couldn't gain more friends, more people he cared about. He knew he'd lose them in the end.

So he'd stayed late at the office, declining by saying that Aizen had given him too much work and he didn't have time to go out. She had fawned over him, saying how hard it must be to already be a seated officer, especially at such a young age. She was proud of him, but she worried about him equally as much. She cared so much, and the problem was he did to. He needed to start distancing himself or Aizen might begin to notice. The man would use Ran against him, he was sure of it. And so here he was tonight, standing in the brunette's office half collapsed and gasping from the man's unleashed spiritual pressure instead of relaxing and having a drink under the stars.

The brunette's intense crushing power only increased as he stepped forward. Gin fell to his knees, panting. Then the man was in front of him and yanking his head back so that they could look eye to eye. It was the first time Aizen had seen the silverette's eyes open; they were the ice blue of a Siberian wolf and glaring just as intensely.

"You've been using me, Gin," the brunette quietly remarked with a hidden power, he was clearly angry, "And I don't remember authorizing that course of action. Do you, Gin?"

The silverette froze. He couldn't know, not this soon. If he knew Gin planned to betray him than the third seat was as good as dead. His eyes had always shown too much of his emotions and gave him away. His poker face was shit when they were open. He was frantic, and his eyes portrayed his fear for all to see.

"I don' remember you authorizin' anythin' like that, Taichou."

"Good, because neither do I," The brunette practically snarled, but his voice was still as smooth as silk, "Using me to boost your spiritual pressure without my knowledge is completely unacceptable. But it's very smart, and I admire that. You knew that being near someone of high reiatsu level would force your own to adjust accordingly. It's a nice compliment that you chose me."

The silverette couldn't remember the last time he had felt so relieved, he was so happy he almost screamed with joy. It was hard to hold back, but he had to make his relief invisible. The man thought he had caught Gin in the act, and the silverette had to play along.

"Ya got me, Taichou. I apologize fo' not askin' first."

"Hmm, that's good Gin. But I think you can apologize better than that, can't you?"

Damn that man for asking so many damned questions without ever actually asking questions. The man stood up, hovering over the younger shinigami and relinquished some of his spiritual pressure, letting him breathe again. At first, he was unsure what the older man wanted. But as he looked into the man's eyes it became clearer. He'd seen that look before, back when he lived in Rukongai. He'd never wanted to see it again, but he was too far in to stop now.

He reached up with a shaking hand to undo the man's obi, letting his hakama fall open. He mentally berated himself for letting his hand shake. This man would not approve of weakness. He reached in to gently grab the man's limp cock. Looks like he would have to do all the work, the brunette wasn't even hard yet. He hoped the man was a fast ejaculator, but knowing his luck, he probably wouldn't be.

He pressed his lips tentatively to the head, placing a kiss there before letting his tongue snake out to lap at the slit. Reaching a hand up, he massaged the man's heavy balls and moved to take in more of the lengthy organ. He took in as much as possible and used his hands to pleasure what he couldn't. The man was quiet and Gin couldn't decide whether that was a good thing or not. If he expressed more of his pleasure then the younger shinigami would know what he liked and he could get him off faster. But the more he voiced his pleasure, the more moans and grunts he let slip, the dirtier Gin would feel.

The silverette let his tongue run along the vein on the underside of the organ and then pulled back to suck on the tip. He could feel the man start to harden and he thanked the gods for that. He breathed in deeply and then pushed himself as far down on the erection as he could go, swallowing around it. He remained like this until he was forced to acknowledge his need to breath. He went to pull off to get a momentary break and steady his breathing but Aizen didn't let him. His head was harshly pushed back onto the cock and he gagged slightly before catching himself.

He glared up at the man, but the brunette simply lifted an eyebrow before pushing himself even farther down Gin's throat. The third seat closed him eyes and went back to work. He knew he couldn't win, and there was no need to get hurt unnecessarily by attempting to fight back. He swallowed around the man until he was let go and then he moved back to suck harshly on the tip. He could taste precum on his tongue.

"You've done this before."

It wasn't a question, so he didn't answer.

The man came down his throat a few moments later. The brunette didn't say a word. He released Gin, tidied himself up, and then went back to his desk, leaving the smaller man still kneeling on the floor. Aizen went on for a few moments shuffling his papers and writing out reports before the brunette looked up.

"Gin."

"Yes, Taichou?"

"Why are you still here?"

The silverette swallowed over the lump in his throat and slowly stood. He adjusted is uniform before walking out the door.

~X~

"Please…I—I can't take any mo' Aizen-sama…"

"The more you beg, the happier it makes me Gin. You're completely vulnerable to me. I am your God, do you understand?"

"Yes, Aizen-sama."

Gin wasn't sure he could last long enough to destroy this man. The brunette was a master at torture and the silverette wasn't far from being broken both mentally and physically. But he had to put on a strong face, pretend he was fine. No one could know, no one. Other captains were starting to worry; he had seen the expressions on the faces. He hadn't yet let any emotions slip that would give himself away but sometimes he just couldn't hide his injuries. He would heal them if he could, but sometimes his taichou would ask him not to. Actually, he didn't ask. He told. He demanded. There was no asking with Aizen. And so sometimes, although his limp was barely noticeable—only one with a highly trained eye would be able to tell—sometimes they saw.

"Distracted, I see. We'll have to change that, won't we?"

Shit.

A hand wrenched back his blindfolded head, forcing his bruised and bleeding body to arch. He was in so much pain. Endless amounts of pain. His senses had been dulled, sight blinded, wrists connected painfully to the bed with a burning kido spell, legs tightly tied in a bent position. And then the man was talking again. He had a serum. One he had concocted himself in the lab, one designed to be painful, to make him scream.

And that he did. He screamed so long he went hoarse, so hard he tore his vocal chords. The vial was emptied onto his hip and some slipped down the crevice leading to the center of his body. It felt like his flesh was disintegrating, like the skin was peeling back and the muscles were tearing one by one. He could swear even his bones melted away, turned to dust and dispersed into the air.

Then his left wrist was grabbed and the binding spell was lifted. Pulling up the fragile pale hand, the man examined his fingers. He grabbed two of the long-boned digits, caressing them slightly for a moment before snapping them backwards. Those moments of fear, anticipated pain, were what was his taichou was best at. That moment when he was touching you gently, smiling at you kindly, like he wasn't about to tear you limb from limb.

Gin couldn't remember the last time he felt safe. This type of mental torture ensured that you could never really put your trust in anyone, made sure that you forgot what it was like to be able to sleep peacefully. There was never a moment when the silverette didn't feel tensed. He could be sitting on a bench in the courtyard, surrounded by flowering plants, skin warmed by the summer sun, the taste of green tea and daifuku on his tongue, with Aizen miles away and he would still feel like he did in that moment before the pain came—afraid, forever afraid.

Would he ever live a normal life? Or was he doomed to this fear for eternity? Even if he could somehow escape, should he win his secret war against Aizen, he knew it would take a long time for the lessons burned into his mind by the brunette to fade. He had started too young, he knew. His own personality was still going through the developmental phases when he had joined Aizen. His instincts were created by the man, his very soul molded to fit an image the man desired. The effects of living with that man, being his lieutenant, his fuck toy, his guinea pig for new torture techniques, would linger far past Aizen's death. He was never going to escape.

Sometimes he wanted to ask Aizen if the pain would ever stop. But he knew the answer, so it was pointless to ask.

~X~

Kyoraku-taichou was the first to notice, but Ukitake-taichou was the first to question.

Gin was walking through the streets, soaking in the sunshine when they approached. He had gone outside hoping the warmth of the sun would burn into his skin and heat him from the inside out. He'd been feeling rather cold and empty inside lately.

"Gin-kun, it's good to see you! You've been so distant lately; I must admit I have started to worry about you."

He didn't want to speak to them. He was afraid of letting anything slip. Timing was crucial, and now wasn't the time for the other captains to discover the abuse. If he was transferred to another division the man would be left unguarded and the trust he had worked so hard to build in the other would be for naught. So he plastered his usual smile on his face and bowed down slightly in greeting.

"Good afta`noon Kyoraku-taichou, Ukitake-taichou. I assure ya tha` there's nothin' ta be worryin' `bout. I'm perfectly fine, but thank ya fo' your concern."

He winced slightly as he straightened back up, he back still sore from the previous night's activities. He hoped they wouldn't notice, but he knew they would. They were captains for a reason after all, and both of them were highly perceptive. They were looking for something, and whenever one is searching for evidence of something they've already decided to be true they were sure to find it. Even if said evidence isn't truly present. In Gin's case, the evidence was only too obvious to the trained eye. This time it was Kyoraku-tachou who spoke up.

"If there's someone hurting you, telling us would be the best course of action. You're a smart kid; you know we could take care of the problem."

"Ah, but ya can't taichou. I gotta do this myself, y'know? Besides, it ain't tha` big a deal. Jus' a wee scuffle."

They didn't look like they believed him, but they let it go. It seems other items on the agenda took more precedence. He was lucky. Gin offered his goodbyes politely and walked away as fast as he could without looking like he was purposely trying to put distance between them. He could feel their eyes on his back.

The silverette would need to have a discussion with Aizen, he knew the man wouldn't be pleased, but the man would be cautious enough to want to cover up how he was treating his lieutenant. The brunette hadn't quite reached the power level he required for it not to matter if he was banned from Soul Society. He still needed to increase his reiatsu and his plans weren't fully materialized yet.

Now that two of the oldest shinigami were suspicious he knew it wouldn't be long before it spread to all the captains. He could expect more confrontations in the future. Most of the captains were very sympathetic and tended to think it was their duty to protect anyone of a lower rank. Those most likely to take an interest in the situation were the two he had previously talked to, Unohana-taichou, and Urahara-taichou. Others wouldn't be directly involved. They'd keep a watchful eye, but they wouldn't interfere.

~X~

Ran hated him. He was sure. There was no one left by his side. Aizen wasn't even on his side, he was on Aizen's side, and that was very different. He had forced Ran away from him so she wouldn't be hurt, so she wouldn't get involved. He felt so cold, so alone. Everyone thought he never felt pain, never felt shame, guilt, despair, but he did. It's all he felt, all the time. He'd never been a crier, but the brunette had changed that. He'd changed a lot of things.

Weeks faded to months and months to years. No one was coming for him, he didn't want them to—but he did, he wanted it more than anything—because he had a job to do and he would walk the path he'd chosen. But that didn't mean he wouldn't sneak into the forest, wouldn't walk until his feet bled so that he was far enough away that no one would hear him scream.

Whenever it got to be too much he would disappear, stay in the forest all night. Scream until he overused his vocal chords and then cry until he fell asleep. All so that he could wake up in the morning and go straight back to pretending he was the ruthless vice-captain of fifth division. It worked out well until he was discovered.

Urahara Kisuke had been in the woods, searching for who knows what, and had heard a distant screaming. Being a man of a curious nature like he was, he decided to investigate. So when he found the young Ichimaru Gin bent over on his knees, face buried in the ground, hands clutching frantically at silver strands of hair, he may have been surprised. But he didn't show it. This man was scary, Gin thought, but not as scary as Aizen-taichou. Urahara was a man of science, and he was a master at manipulating the game of life. Gin was pretty adequate at playing games himself, but he was young yet.

The difference between the complacent blonde and his domineering taichou was that the blonde still cared about people. He wasn't a sadist. To Gin that difference meant the world. So when he felt a presence enter the secluded area, he tensed and made to run. But when he saw who it was, for some reason his instincts betrayed him and he froze.

Grey eyes stared at him, equally as shocked. The man wasn't moving, but he was thinking. And he was looking. The smaller shinigami hadn't had time to adjust his uniform and parts of his body were visible that he normally would have kept carefully concealed, such as his bite-littered collarbones.

The younger of the two slowly sat up onto his heels. As he did so his yukata slipped down and fell off his left shoulder. He quickly moved to grab it, but Urahara was quicker. The blonde was suddenly much closer to him then he would have liked and he tensed and flinched despite himself. Noticing the smaller man's discomfort the blonde slowed his movements. He reached to pull the other shoulder off slightly, revealing that both sides were equally covered in marks.

There were bruises on his upper arms where fingers were clearly outlined, bite marks covering his neck and collarbones, scratches—some deep cuts, some surface nicks—littered all over his body. He'd never really looked at himself, didn't want to see. But now, in the moonlight as another person scanned his frame at the same time as him, he truly realized the extent of his injuries. And these were only the ones he wasn't allowed to heal.

"Was this willing?"

He wanted to say no, for fuck's sake NO. But he couldn't. He'd be dead within days if his taichou found out. Gin had to live, he had to keep fighting, keep destroying Aizen from within. He had to wait until the opportune moment before he could strike. So he plastered his usual smile on his face and did his duty.

"Of course. The only people strong enough ta hurt me withou' my consent are the captains, and ya don't think any o' them woul' do a thing like tha' do ya?"

The blonde man studied him a moment before replying. The kid was good at evading, but he saw through it. Takes a liar to spot a liar. He looked of the abused body, took in the damage. He supposed it could be willing; BDSM relationships were uncommon but not unheard of in Soul Society. But it was Gin's face that gave him away. You don't need to put on a mask to tell the truth.

"Tell me that with your eyes open and maybe I'll believe you."

The smaller man frowned. He knew his eyes would give him away; he just couldn't lie with them open. So he kept them closed.

"Allright, ya win. I was lyin'. But ya can't save me, an' I don't want ya to."

"…So it's a captain then."

"I never said tha'."

"You don't have to defend them," the blonde said confidently, "Why do you feel the need to subject yourself to such actions? There are things a captain can force you to do and things they can't. Not all orders must be followed."

"You're wrong," Gin said simply.

The blonde stared at him incredulously.

"You don't have to—"

"I do. I know what I'm doin', I know it ain't required for lieutenant to pleasure a higher officer. But it is for me."

The blonde's grey eyes pierced through his soul and he found it hard to breath. The secretive captain knew something was going on, something beyond what he was being told. But he wouldn't force it. Urahara had been part of the onmitsukido, and he himself had done things that he would have given anything not to. He knew what it meant to sacrifice yourself for a greater cause. He had been the closest thing Seireitei had to a ninja after all.

"Please understan' Urahara-taichou. I `ave my reasons. I need ya ta keep quiet. Can ya do that for me?"

"…Yes, yes I can. May I heal your wounds at least?"

"No. I was ordered ta keep these particular marks. I `ave already healed what I could. Thank ya, though."

"I see."

What had the kid looked like before he had healed his wounds if this was what he looked like after? Urahara wasn't sure he wanted to know. Gin was trying to get rid of him; he could hear the impatience in every answer he received. The blonde had overstayed his welcome. It wasn't really his place to comfort the smaller shinigami. They'd never even spoken before this unfortunate meeting. The older man stood and began to leave before posing one last question.

"Will you come to me if you are in need of assistance?"

"I don' know. Maybe."

Gin let loose a sigh of release when the captain finally left. The more questions he asked, the further it felt he was delving into his soul. The silverette appreciated the offer to help, but he didn't think he'd take the man up on his kindness. This was something he had to face alone. And if the man asked as many questions when Gin came to him for help as he did today, it would hardly be beneficial. It wouldn't be long before the blonde figured it out at that rate.

~X~

He hadn't spoken to the blonde captain in over three months when the time came that he required assistance. It was four in the morning, moon still lingering in the expansive sky. The night had gone from black to an eerie blue, soon to shift into daytime. Dew drops rested carefully on arched blades of grass and velvet flower petals, aching to fall and be soaked into the damp earth. The cold of early autumn mornings was in the air and it chilled Gin's slight form enough to have him shivering as he hobbled through the streets.

But he would have been shivering anyway. Aizen hadn't been worse than usual, but the young lieutenant couldn't fathom anything being worse than the usual so that wasn't saying much. Perhaps it was the silverette who was different. Urahara had reached something inside him that reacted, some small part of him that just wanted it to stop, damn the consequences. He had kept that part of him locked up inside himself for so long he had forgotten it was there, but those grey eyes had resurrected it. They had told him he could be free, and that it would be ok.

The thought of freedom had lingered in his mind and over the past few months it had grown from a passing thought to an idea, and then from an idea to a wish, a desire. The pale lieutenant longed for a release from his hell. He longed to have the option of leaving Aizen without it meaning he would die, without it meaning Soul Society could be harmed due to his neglect.

It was with these desires that he ended up standing outside the doorway of the captain of division twelve. He wanted to raise a hand to knock, or his voice to speak up, but a sudden hesitation had frozen his body. Was he really going to throw away everything he had done the last ten years because of a single moment of weakness? Every time that man took him, tortured him, manipulated him, it would mean nothing. And Ran wouldn't be avenged. The only thing he had left to lose was his life, and that had never meant much to him in the first place.

He turned around and looked back the way he came. He could still leave. If Gin started walking back now he could be in his bed by the time Aizen woke up, as if he'd never left. There was still time to turn back the clock, pretend this had never happened, but it was running out. Another ten minutes and whichever decision he made would be final. The hands of the clock were turning; Gin could hear them in his head. Tick tick tick.

What to do, what to do. A door slid open on the other side of the deserted morning courtyard. The silverette was hyper aware, all senses on high alert. The smallest sound felt like a bomb exploding. No one came out of the door, but he could see the ashen smoke of a cigarette floating out slowly. He heard a small thump from behind him and jerked around, eyes open. A hunched over form, still sleepy from just waking up, stared blearily at him from the open doorway. The man was still sleep-drunk and in his stupor didn't put two and two together for a moment.

He saw Gin, he knew it was Gin, but for a brief moment that didn't resonate within the deeper parts of his mind. He didn't know why it mattered that it was Gin. But then he blinked and the silver-haired lieutenant could see his brain function coming back. Too slow. Gin made the decision to leave. He couldn't do this, couldn't give up everything. Not now, not when they were so close. His heart had wavered in the nighttime, but as the sun began to raise it steadied once again. The pale yellow rays of dawn flashed over his body and then he was gone.

He used shunpo to remove himself from the compound as soon as possible, but he could only keep it up for a second. It was too taxing on his already drained reiatsu. Eight blocks down from the twelfth division he ducked into an alleyway, leaning heavily on the wall and breathing harshly. He legs wanted to give out from under him, they were shaking like the last leaf on a tree in late winter—one gust of wind and he'd be done for.

Gin could still make it back to his own compound if he went now. There were still two minutes left. But he couldn't make his legs work. They were exuding all their strength just to keep standing. Walking was out of the question. So now he wasn't going to make it back to Aizen, nor was he going to be saved by Urahara. He was just going to die all alone in an alleyway somewhere in the back streets of Seireitei. Maybe it was for the best. His soul would be born again in the human world if he died in Soul Society. A new life, new memories, not having to worry about secret plans and pain and the collapse of the Spirit World, it sounded almost too good to be true.

He was just so tired…

And then his legs gave out and he was falling. He landed on the ground in a heap. He turned his head to look at the sky and the yelloworangepinks of morning made him feel nauseas and at peace simultaneously. His ice blue eyes caught the sunlight and seemed less cold. He could elect to die right that second, just let go. Souls had that option. If you wanted to die then you could just accept it whole-heartedly and give your body over to the Spirit World in the form of reishi.

A shadow passed over his briefly and he wondered what it was for a moment before deciding he really just didn't care. He could feel the Spirit World begin to take him when the shadow passed over again. But this time it didn't leave, it stayed hovering above him. It was talking to him but everything sounded muted, like there was a pane of glass between them. He found it wasn't hard to just tune it out.

The shadow's hand grabbed his head, snapping Gin's eyesight away from the rising sun and onto a softly contoured face with grey eyes. The man was frantic, he could tell the silverette was letting go. Gin wanted to make that expression go away. No one had ever cried for him before, he wasn't sure he liked it. It made him want to stay, made him want to comfort the man. The man buried his face in Gin's neck, crying silently.

"Gin-kun, forgive me. Please, forgive me for what I have not done. I should have forced you to accept my help, I should have talked to you as we passed in the street and asked how you were doing, should have grabbed you before you ran this morning," the man paused to breath and let out a choked sob, sitting up to look into Gin's face, "I won't ask you to stay. I know you want to go…but if you decide to keep trying to live I promise I will fix things for you. I will make you happy again."

The blonde's eyes were lit with a quiet determination and the smaller man could tell that should he chose to live, the man would make true on his promise. He didn't want to hurt this man, but he was so tired. So damn tired.

"Shit…Urahara-taichou, yer makin' this kinda hard, y'know? I just," the silverette took a shaky breath and continued in a soft voice, "I'm jus' so tired. I don' want ta think anymore. Please...let me die."

And he did.

~X~

Urahara was having a party. Many years had passed and he had his shop now. The vizards had gone their separate ways after the war had ended. Some were reinstated as captains; others had the shopkeeper make them gigai and went off to live in the world of humans. Aizen had been locked deep with Seireitei's prisons, never to see the light of day for the rest of his thousand years of life. The blonde had taken an especially large amount of pleasure in his defeat. It had become all too obvious who Gin had died over when the man betrayed Soul Society. He had been the silverette's captain after all.

And now it was Ichigo's birthday. The young man was in college now, by all rights an adult. He didn't want a huge party so it was just some of his closest friends who remained in Karakura town. Some of the shinigami he was close to had made it down as well. Urahara had offered his shop, he loved to have people over and it didn't happen nearly enough. A mock fight had started between Rukia and Ichigo and some food went flying. A piece of chocolate cake happened to go flying towards the street and hit a young boy passing by.

"Yare, yare, Ichigo-kun please don't waste food. There are starving kids in Africa, y'know."

The boy was still standing there, but now that the cake had fallen off his face and onto ground he was more visible to everyone. Orihime ran to offer assistance. She cleaned his face off and scrubbed some of the icing out of his hair. He thanked her and smiling, she took a step back to make sure she hadn't missed a spot. Urahara froze and stared. No one else recognized him, no one else knew him. But the shopkeeper did. The boy was around twelve and he looked poor, as if he'd been living on the streets. He silver hair shone in the sunlight and his striking blue eyes looked at the group curiously.

"Urahara, I think this kid can see us," Rukia said quietly, "He's looking right at me."

"Ah, it's ok Rukia-chan. I know this boy, though it's been many years since I last saw him."

The shopkeeper approached the boy and asked his name. The child replied that he had none. He'd been abandoned at birth, as the fourth son his parents had been unable to take care of him. He'd been given up for adoption, but people had been put off by his silver hair. They didn't treat the older kids well at the shelter and he had run away. The blonde man offered him a place to stay, free of charge. Although the kid was surprised, he accepted. He was unsure of this man, but anything was better than living on the streets.

Over the years the kid grew to a teen and from a teen to an adult. Urahara had named him Gin. One day, when the silver-haired man was twenty he asked why the blonde never seemed to age. He wasn't sure how to answer, but he didn't have to. Before he could speak, the younger one let out a laugh before speaking once again.

"Thank you, Urahara-taichou. For lettin' me go, an' then for takin' me in. Thank you."

"How long? How long have you remembered?"

"Since I was eighteen. I'd always been able ta see spirits, but one day I was walkin' back ta the shop an' I saw a hollow. The hollow attacked me an' I was about ta die. But as you can see, I'm still alive. Wanna know why?"

"Yes."

"Apparently, I can still reach shikai. Cool, ain't it? Even though I'm human. My sword activated my memory."

"Are you…are you ok?"

The silver-haired man thought for a second, looking out the window. He wasn't positive what his answer to that question was. But then he looked at the man who had saved him, had let him die, the man who had raised him in this life. And he found his answer.

"The memories from my time as a shinigami are muted, like they happened to someone else. I remember everythin' an' they feelin's I had, but they aren't as intense. An' whenever I'm with ya I'm happy. Guess why."

"I don't know."

"Aww, yer no fun," the younger man laughed, "It's `cause I love ya Kisuke. My heart goes thumpthumpthump when yer near and I get all these butterflies in my belly. Yer the one Kisu."

The blonde couldn't breathe. He hadn't realized how long he had wanted this moment until it was finally happening. He reached up to pull down the standing man to sit beside him. Titling the smaller man's head, he leaned in for a kiss. When they broke the connection to catch their breath the blonde man looked sneakily at the other man.

"The way you say my name turns me on. Say it again…"

"Kisuke, Kisuke, Kisuke," Gin murmured as he dragged the man to a back room before laying himself down on the bed, "Come here, Kisu."

The blonde shopkeeper spent the next three hours replacing every single memory of Aizen with memories of himself.

~X~

That's all folks! I enjoyed writing this, so I hope you enjoyed reading this. Bye now! ^^


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